I aspire to become a Wonder Woman in my own fashion; bright, colorful, and eager to take on the challenges in life.  Well, some challenges.  Why am I being selective?  I fear that my best qualities are also the same ones that make me fight to accomplish my goals.  Take for instance the Philando Castile shooting.  Ever since last year when news broke, I refused to even glance at the pictures gliding up my screen on Facebook.  Subconsciously, I told myself I didn't have time to look at sad news stories.  I'm always keeping myself busy, I can't sit here and fill my head with another sad story going on in some place in the world I've never visited.  Let alone with someone I've never met, and biased news stories that I can't trust reading and getting all of the facts.  

So in short, all of my reasons were bullshit.  The truth is, I am weak.  I am no Wonder Woman, but only aspire to be one because as of right now, I need much more work.  There has always existed a bubble around me my whole life.  In this bubble, I'm a happy, carefree person who only hears mumbles of misfortunes due to my bubble being slightly permeable.  

There is no Wonder Woman here yet, only a woman who refuses to step out of her bubble and face the fiery and raging ball of hatred that is the world.  Sunday, I took an attempt to finally step out of my space, and out of the Facebook comments for my news.  I chose to watch the dashboard footage of the Castile shooting.  Come to my surprise, it didn't sadden me, but instead devastated me.  How is it that the same stranger I once claimed I didn't care for now has left a blow to my stomach with grief.  I took a step out of my comfort zone only to realize that I not only mourn for his life, but I also mourn for mine.  Castile represents for me my frustration with injustice.  He represents for me a time in my life where I feel weak, weak that just another sad story going on in some place in the world I've never visited could break my spirit as much as it has.  I can't stand injustice, and miscommunication, and tempers, and misuse of authority and death and the ripping apart of a family - and it was all in one random news story.  How can I ever become the strong, courageous woman I want to be when I couldn't even stand this injustice?  How can I ever be an inspirational leader when for most of my life I have stood by and watched injustices unleash before me for the sake of staying within the constraints of my comfort?

Something has to change.  No, I have to start changing my values and priorities.  There is so much more tragedy, heartbreak, conquests and struggle up ahead - and it is time to admit that the world is much more terrifying to me than I first made it out to be from within the glass of my bubble.  In order to become the Wonder Woman I know I am, I need to bludgeon this sphere of blissful happiness and learn how to be spread joy despite it being so cruel and merciless.  How can I become a leader for others when I can't see past my own shell?